Giving up the glutens and moo juice

Between my husband's family history of celiac disease, and my family history of trouble with dairy, I have found myself in the proverbial space existing between a rock and a hard place. I need to do what is best for my family, but nobody wants to go gluten-free or dairy-free. We love our breads and cheeses. What's an incompetent hausfrau to do?



DH was making fun of me last night because of my "fear" of foods. I'm not afraid of them. I dislike what they do to my family. His mother died from colon cancer, and his aunt has full-blown celiac disease. She was symptom-free and they didn't discover it until she had an endoscopy after her sister's death. DH has tested positive for both an elevated antibody and a gene marker for celiac. I dislike the tummy aches my kids and I get and the fact that if they get dairy products on their skin, they get a bright red patch for quite a while. It doesn't hurt them, but it's a big red flag that our dairy problems stem from more than lactose intolerance.

This whole situation is vexing. I'm currently looking at steering our family towards a paleo/primal diet, but more aligned with how humans ate just before the agricultural revolution. It would solve the gluten and dairy issues, and it's still aligned with my preference for whole foods. I think I'll shoot for a "most of the time" approach. That way we can still enjoy the occasional baked goods and popcorn. MMMmmm. Popcorn.



It's all very confusing. Where and when did we cross the line between good for us and bad for us? Surely, we've been gathering grains and legumes for about as long as we've been gathering and foraging. That's what, only several hundred thousands of years? Furthermore, hunter-gatherers have different diets depending upon geographical location. This is where I'm having trouble with the whole "paleo diet." They eliminate all grains and legumes and potatoes. Really? But mad quantities of coconut oil is natural?

The paleo diet, as it is practiced by modern people (that concept makes me giggle) claims that because agriculture made certain foods prevalent, they are unnatural and not good for us. I think this is false. People wouldn't have gone to the trouble of trying for thousands of years to propagate a food item if it wasn't one that they already loved and gathered from the wild. Maybe we don't need eight servings of grains a day, but to claim they are an unnatural part of our diet seems fallacious to me.

Manoomin, also known as wild rice, native to North America.

Mostly, we are healthy eating from the modern palette, with just minor reactions to wheat and dairy that we need to deal with. I guess I just have to work from there. I'm fully aware that what is minor today can become acute down the road. Incidentally, my husband's doctor is of the all-or-nothing sort that can only see the bell curve and seemed to lean toward making no dietary changes until he has celiac disease. Really? Isn't that akin to saying, go ahead and smoke until you get emphesima or lung cancer? But I digress, my mission is to find recipes that are whole foods, gluten-free, dairy-free, economical, practical to prepare, balanced, and most of all tasty.

Great. I'm inventing my own diet. No. That's not true. I am going to try to replicate an ancient one based on solid anthropological and scientific evidence. We'll feed and fuel our bodies appropriately, but will have wiggle room for treats. I'll search for harmonious agreement between what modern nutritionist hale as perfect, what historical evidence reveals was good enough to keep our species fit enough to survive, and what we actually want to eat to not feel deprived. I'll get started just as soon as I stop laughing at how sanctimonious I sound.

Gluten-free Apple Cinnamon Muffins

These muffins, which I have adapted from this recipe, turned out hearty and delicious, with a really nice crust.


Ingredients

• 1 cup brown rice flour*
• 1/3 cup bean flour*
• 1/4 cup tapioca starch*
• 1 1/4 cups oats
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/4 tsp salt
• 1 1/2 tsp cinnamon
• 1/4 tsp nutmeg or mace
• 2 Tbs buttermilk powder**
• 1/2 cup sugar***
• 1/4 cup cold unsalted butter (or fat of your choice)
• 1 1/4 cup unsweetened applesauce
• 2 Tbs molasses***
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 3 Tbs ground flax, or flax meal****
• 1/4 cup water**
• 1/2 cup dried raisins, chopped apple, or shredded and drained zucchini (optional)

1. Pre-heat oven to 400 degrees or 375 for a dark or non-stick pan. Grease or oil your tins, or line with wrappers.
2. In a medium mixing bowl, mix together the flours, baking powder, baking soda, salt, spices, buttermilk powder, and sugar.
3. Cut in the cold butter with a pastry blender or fork. Alternatively, you can melt the butter and mix it into the wet ingredients.
4. Stir in the oats.
5. In a small mixing bowl, mix together applesauce, molasses, water, and vanilla.
6. Add wet ingredients to the dry and stir until moistened
7. If you are adding fruit, fold in gently.
8. Spoon into prepared cups.
9. Bake for 16-18 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center of a muffin comes out dry.

*The original recipe called for 1 1/4 cup whole wheat flour
**You can just add 1/2 cup buttermilk or sour milk to the wet ingredients instead
***You can use firmly packed, dark brown sugar instead
****If you don't have ground flax, you can simply add an egg, with water added to yield 1/4 total cups.

Make your own tamales

Normally, I make tamales around the holidays. The tradition has something to do with everyone having something special to unwrap on Christmas. I like that. Last November, when my mom was visiting, we cooked the meat. I never got around to making the tamales. Luckily I have a chest freezer and there sat my meat and frozen broth.

I said "normally" but I've only been making tamales for a few years. I came upon this fantastic webpage and recipe. It's really all you need, but me being me, I altered the recipe a bit. I'm also going to provide a scaled down version of the recipe.

The first time I made these, I didn't know what I was in for, but I am egotistical, optimistic, and hardheaded. All the subsequent times was me being a total idiot thinking I could do this thing. Make all these nommy tamales. I'd be a tamale rock star.

See, the original recipe always makes enough meat for 2-3 batches of tamales. Each batch makes about 48-60 of the darlings. Now, this is a fantastic way to make a bunch of frugal food, and I'm sure with the right helpers it could be a whole lotta fun. Last year I had every intention of having a tamale making party, but just seemed to have neither the gumption nor the get-up-and-go.

Whatever. I'm not a tamale rock star and I always want to shoot myself in the eye once I commit to making them. As long as the dough goes unmade, it's all still theoretical and fun. The reality is that if by the time they are all made you still want to eat some a miracle might just have occured. I'm not trying to scare you off, but it takes several hours to prepare and steam a batch. Once the masa gets wet things gets real.



How to make tamales:

Please see above link.

Tamale recipe (my version): I substitute ground cumin for the seeds in the dough. Seriously, you don't mess with a good recipe.

A scaled down version:

For the meat (filling, could be optional to make a vegetarian version, or maybe you could use a meat substitute):

• 4 lbs bone-in pork and/or chicken, cooked and shredded
• 2 Tbs plus 2 tsp corn oil
• 2 Tbs chili powder
• 1 Tbs garlic powder
• 1 Tbs ground cumin
• 1 tsp black pepper
• 2 tsp salt

For the dough:

• 2 cups masa (I use Maseca, but will be switching to something made from organic corn in the future)
• 2/3 cups corn oil
• 1 Tbs paprika
• 1 Tbs salt
• 1 Tbs chili powder
• 1 Tbs garlic powder
• 1 tsp ground cumin (I prefer the flavor of the ground cumin over that of the seeds)

The tamales would otherwise be prepared the same way. Here's another link to that webite. I did not make this recipe and I claim no ownership of any part, not even the (untested) scaled-down version.

Glop: A Tradition, aka chili con queso y carne

Glop:  my mother made this as a meal every night for years. I am not kidding.  It's ridiculously tasty, and really bad for you, which is why we have it at most twice a year on New Year's Eve and Superbowl Sunday.

Ingredients:

1 lb. ground beef, the fattier the tastier (would probably taste just fine with a meat substitute, too), you can leave out the meat

1 lb Velveeta (I use the light version) sliced 1/2" thick.

1 cup salsa.

Directions:  Brown and drain your meat.  Add Velveeta. Melt together over med-low heat. Stir in salsa. Serve  hot with tortilla chips and sliced jalapenos, if desired. Enjoy! Just not every fucking day, mmmk?

S*^t on a Shingle

I will post a basic recipe for this at the end of this entry.

I'm really writing just because I know I am not the only hausfrau or hausmaus or hausherr who realizes that dinner time has, once again, snuck up and bit me on the tushie.

Always, ALWAYS, keep a package of smoked sausage or gound meat in your freezer for just such an occassion.  A package of sausage, mixed with some veggies sauted in butter and tossed with egg noodles, will please just about anyone.  Add salt, pepper, and garlic powder to taste and serve with a salad. The peeps, smalls to bigs liked it.  I count it as a WIN even if it is not very healthy.

S*^t on a Shingle (a dish very familiar to some older military types) is hamburger gravy served over toast.  Brown one pound of hamburger, if you are adventurous or ambitious, brown it with onions and/or garlic, and/or mushrooms, and/or peppers.  Drain, and reserve two tablespoons of fat, or don't drain and reserve all the grease (nasty artery-clogger, but it offers loads more flavor).  While it is hot, stir in 2-4 tablespoons of flour, depending on how much liquid fat you have. Stir it all together, under medium heat.  FYI, this is called a roux. You are now a soux chef and can make sauces.  Congratulations!  (Throws confetti for you). Slowly stir in 1-2 cups of milk.  Broth can also be used, but milk is traditional.  Season with salt and pepper to taste.  Spoon over toast cut into triangles (cookbooks call these "toast points").  Yum yum.  Adjust the amount of gravy using 2 Tbs of flour/1 cup of milk or broth, to ensure all your mouths get fed.  Serve with a favorite cooked veggie or side salad.

Make it as fancy (I know someone who made it with ciabatta bread--whatever) or as basic as you like.  You are filling tummies so the bodies grow, the minds learn, and to keep it real, the beasties sleep better on a full tummy.

In case you didn't notice, that was a twofer:  two recipes for the price of one.  Unless your beast is especially spoiled, eating something called "S*^t on a Shingle" is sure to be a real fun treat to eat.

Enjoy!